When I was growing up, on Long Island NY, I wasn’t exposed to a lot of different cultures. I did go to school with kids from other cultures, but my town was primarily white and Catholic.
In high school I actually dated the only Indian guy in our grade – but he didn’t teach me much about his culture. We never even ate Indian food. I think he was a bit embarrassed by it, and just wanted to fit in.
When I went away to college at an engineering school, I was all of a sudden surrounded by people from other cultures, even other countries. Having dated an Indian guy, I tried to make some Indian friends, thinking that I could make a connection that way. Little did I know that it would lead me to my future husband!
My husband and I met freshman year, during the first week of social activities planned for incoming students. (We argue about when and where we actually met each other first). We became part of a core group of friends, and I overheard that he had visited India over the summer. I thought I could strike up a conversation, but I didn’t know anything about India. It turns out his family was from South India, and they were Christian! Indian Orthodox to be exact. At the time, I had no idea that Indians could be anything other than Hindu (or maybe Muslim?) I had no idea how many languages and varieties of food there were. At some point my new Indian friends introduced me to Indian food, and I was in love. I had been missing out!
We started to date during the second half of freshman year, and throughout the rest of college. His family knew about me to some extent, but I wasn’t sure how much. We continued to date after college, but we couldn’t see each other as much as we would have liked. During this time, I would see his family occasionally but I wasn’t invited to family events or weddings, because we were not yet married. Without knowing any other multi-cultural couples, or anyone else pursuing this kind of relationship, I had nobody to guide me through what to expect. Our wedding ended up being the first Indian Orthodox wedding that I had ever been to. All of the planning leading up to that event – and there was a LOT – and all of the expectations were new to me. After we got married, we went through some growing pains as we adjusted to married life, family expectations, and living together.
I want this blog to be a guide and a resource for others who are in relationships and may not know much about the South Indian / Indian Orthodox culture. I have learned and grown so much, and I wish someone could have walked me through these things earlier. I also want to share some tips for combining cultures in ways that have worked for us.
I’d love to hear your reactions, your thoughts on similar experiences, or how this has helped you.